Why I can’t wait to be done being pregnant.

I have restarted this post about fifty times trying to figure out the right words to say. I try really hard to keep my blog and my Instagram positive. I also try really hard to stay clear of any topic that could be controversial because getting into an argument and getting heated over someone’s silly comment is just that….silly. Today’s post is everything that the title says and admitting that I can’t wait to be done being pregnant hits so many people in the wrong spot. I’m sorry if anything I say is found offensive. It’s never my intention, but I had so much more positive feedback than I did negative that I’ve looked forward to writing this for quite some time. I did shorten this post quite a bit because I did feel like I was saying too much and put it as little words as I could that said it all 🙂

Motherhood in general is such a touchy subject and I’ve noticed that no matter what I say or who I talk to about it, the conversation is immediately turned into how they had it worse or they did this better or they obviously know more because their kids are older. You can never win when raising a child and I feel like you lose even more while being pregnant.

I will never say that I’m not grateful for being able to carry a baby. Trust me when I say I feel so damn fortunate that my body has allowed to me conceive and house a child without any problems. I’m so grateful for the two times my body has been there to grow my two beautiful baby girls but that doesn’t mean I have to love it. It’s okay to not love anything about the whole process but still feel so grateful. For me, being pregnant is what nightmares are made of. I’m sooo being over dramatic when I say that but I feel so much guilt not enjoying any bit of it. It just sucks. I don’t feel beautiful at all. My skin has gone to crap. My hair grows in red. I feel so wide and uncomfortable in my own body. My body physically hurts. I’ve become extremely self-conscious. I want to cry when I see myself naked because I feel so gross. I miss so much that I could do before and I’m ready to be selfish again!

Focusing on me after baby

I put myself last after Laken was born and it took me a whole year to convince myself that it was okay to do things without someone else in mind. The thing I had to tell myself over and over and over again was just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself. I was SO focused on my child and my husband and making sure our family had everything we possibly needed I forgot what it was like to care for myself. I even convinced myself that I could no longer wear anything I had because I was now a mom. I put myself in a bubble and it showed. I should say that I did not struggle with PPD. I was happier than ever having Laken. I truly just lost all sight of who I was as a person and I don’t want to let that happen again.

I’ll be raising two little girls that will be looking up to me and I don’t want them to ever hear me talk bad about myself or see me sad because I’m not happy with what I see. To me it’s important that they grow up confident in themselves. I want them to always feel pretty and love who they are. If I’m not at my best it’ll show and the last thing I want is for them to see that.

The top things on my list after baby.

On my Instagram stories when I talked about this topic I ranted a little more than I should have so I’m keeping the list I’m sharing with you all short and more positive. There are soo many more things that I’ve added to this list but have decided to keep them to myself.

1. BOTOX…I will be SO honest with you all and say that this is the first thing I’ll be getting after new baby arrives. I’m not embarrassed at all to admit it. I am a firm believer that if you don’t like something on yourself, fix it. In this case, my forehead wrinkles really bother me. I did a whole blog post over my experience and as to why I got it in the first place. You can read more about it here.
2. Getting my body back. I am 100% going to be working my butt off as much as I can. I’m done having babies and I can’t wait to build up my muscle again and run and just feel pretty in my own skin! I will not be one of those people that appreciate my body after baby because looking at that body in the mirror doesn’t make me feel good. I also want to make it a journey and to share it with you all. It will hold me accountable and give me even more motivation when hitting my goal weight.
3. Going out!!!! I want to go out with my husband and have fun. I didn’t go out for after a whole year after Laken because I felt guilty having a drink while my baby was at home. I want to see my friends again and be myself. I actually have a weekend bachelorette party in Austin, TX towards the end of my maternity leave and I am so excited for it!
4. Getting my allergies under control. I’m allergic to pretty much every type of grass and weed there is and I can’t wait to be able to breath again and go a whole day without sniffling haha. Sometimes it really is the little things.
5. Be myself again. Truly, this is the biggest thing. I am not me when I’m pregnant. I feel very limited to everything that I do because I am and it will truly be a relief to be back to what I’m comfortable with.

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xx-Kendra